Will you still feel small beside the ocean

After a good nights sleep, I looked out the window and saw some clear skies. I jumped on the computer to see what the forecast called for and there it was, a window of opportunity. The forecast said the rain would return around noon. It was 8:30. So I had my coffee and breakfast, dressed in my Giants sweatshirt and raincoat, workout pants and my trusty New Balance 1012's and headed toward Tennessee Beach.

As I walked, as I often do, I think about writing. I think about what I might say when we have our fundraiser. And today over and over again in my head I heard that country song "I hope you dance." I suppose that was partially due to having watched a couple of contestants blow the lyrics on American Idol. They are great lyrics. But the section of this Lee Ann Womak song kept repeating for me was:

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill but always feel that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.

When one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And if you get a choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance, I hope you dance.

And what a place to be singing those lyrics. Walking after days of rain as the water rushed down to the ocean along the side of the trail. To smell the sea breeze carried over the newly blooming willows and hear the birds revelling during this brief respite from the rain. To feel the sting of a cold wind on my face as I carefully navigated the puddles left behind makes me feel completely alive.

And as I reached the ocean and heard its mighty voice as it reached the rocky shore, I felt small but powerful. And suddenly I thought to myself "I am not Cancer's victim, I am its conqueror." "Cancer is not a death sentence, its a wake up call."

And then I remembered , I used to think when I was diagnosed with Cancer, God had given me a dance card that was already filled up, and at this thought, I threw up arms to the sky laughed and did a pirouette. I have a lot more dancing to do.


Enjoy the pictures of this morning's dance....

Its that time again

Probably a mistake to get up and, come upstairs, fix a hot herbal tea, open up the computer to read my mail and then, start to write. I have a sneaking suspicion I will be sitting awake for hours. Its 3 am now. I've done this before.

I woke up to a heavy downpour and once it passed the sound of distressed coyotes in the valley. Then the brain kicked in. Thoughts of work and each individual, their houses, the marketing, the banks, the buyers, the sellers, the agents, the tenants, the neighbors, the photographers and the things to be done, or undone and done again. It is a stressful time in Real Estate and it seems even the simplest task takes on a new level of complication.

My thoughts then travel on to things more relaxing for me. The walk. The party in July. The training. (Since it has been raining for the past couple of days .... not enough training, although Myriam tells me I could be walking in the rain..... but that's another story).

I feel the cadence of the 3 day building. I received a few donations this week and the promise of a few more. From Strauss family Creamery we are getting a great gift basket that sound delightful. An old milk bottle carrier filled with goodies and gift certificates to 10 of the their products, a beanie cap, a tee shirt and two milk bottles. That will make a wonderful raffle prize. Morris Pest will contribute an inspection again, and I think Gregg Flaherty will donate a home inspection as well. I am trying to keep a running tally of the things that are being donated on the new website http://www.cheerstoacure.com/

In the last couple of days a new development in my hopes to shine some light on Breast Cancer has been the MLB's announcement of selection of a Breast Cancer Awareness advocate as their bat girl for Mother's Day. For those who know me, you know, I LOVE baseball in general, but most particularly the GIANTS. At first I was a little shy about self promotion to be selected as the Giants Bat girl, but I really really really think that would be just about the coolest thing ever. I mistakenly thought, the Rockies may send out their ball girl for the game in San Francisco, so I had Glenn nominate Allison. I understand now they will select another home game... But she would be a great representative of Susan G Komen. She walked in 2 walks so far and suffered through some pretty nasty foot problems to do it. She would be great.

There are so many people who have done so much to help end Breast Cancer. I have my fingers crossed. So if you want to vote, you can go to http://mlb.mlb.com/sponsors/komen/gallery.jsp?transactionId=169689547 and look for the noroary bat girl contest, click on the contest, then click on the Giants and Cathy Crushes Cancer for me and if you want to vote also for Allison click on Rockies and Allison the Ace. By the way I think you can vote as many times as you'd like (kind of like how they do the all star game!)

Next topic.... Katie. She sent us some pictures of her new place. It looks so nice. It has a little view out over a creek. It seems light and bright and in a rainy place like Seattle that is a good thing. They have Blixa's room all decorated and looking sweet. I liked to see what things she has put out to make her place feel like a home. I like to see what she chooses to put on the mantle. The stuffed creatures on her sofa, the things from Germany, he father's b'day pins, her sister's wedding candle. I truly hope we can find the time to go and see everything in person.

Our daughters are grown up. I only wish they weren't so far away.

OK.... now it is 3:40. One more sip of sleepytime tea and lets see if I can... find some sleepy time. I am so ready for a long long walk.

Going the distance

Its tough out there.

The economy may have helped someone out there, but frankly I don't know who. Maybe bankers...

But most of us have been hit between the eyes with a dose of reality 101. Its hard out there.

As a Realtor, the past three years have been increasingly challenging for me and my clients. If you are in the enviable position of being able to take advantage of this perfect storm of buying opportunities, congratulations. But for many of us, we can only watch as property values have fallen, our savings become stressed to the breaking point, and our optimism for our future becomes weaken. How the heck do you do something like the 3 day in the middle of all of this.

Well, I think the drive that takes you through the training and the walk itself, is the kind of chutzpa that will help get you through anything.

I remember a representative from Susan G Komen asking me if it had been difficult raising the money we did in the current economy. Well, of course it is. Those things that are worthwhile often are difficult. Somehow though it seemed to me there was never a more important time to garner donations than in a time when people's inclination is to not donate. Breast Cancer doesn't know the difference between a recession and a boom year. In fact it might be said that Breast Cancer is even more of a threat in the lean years. There have been studies that show high stress lowers your immunity to many things. No, a recession is not the time to take a break from the fight to end Cancer, it is the time to ratchet it up.

When I am walking 60 miles I am not the type to stop part way through and say, geez, I think that I've done enough. By the time the 3 day is here, I have walked hundreds and hundreds of miles just so when that time comes, when, as it inevitable does, you are looking at a steep San Francisco hill or a blister the size of Montana, you know how to keep going. I am not the sort to say uncle to almost anything.

That stubbornness is what we all need a little more of right now. This life of ours is a journey. There is no one day that defines us. In the end the sum of our days will tell our story. I am proud to be a part of a group of people who see a mountain and realize to climb it only takes one step at a time, and the ability to not give up.

So I am not giving up. I have actually raised my bar for how much I am aiming to raise. This mountain can and will be climbed. One step at a time, one dollar at a time we will get there. A world without Breast Cancer.

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Bears under the bed, Monsters in the closet, devils in the pillow under my head

What is it about those early hours. The sleepless wrestling with thoughts running wild. They say, it comes with age sometimes. Whatever it might be, it won't leave me alone.

Last night I felt like the little kid I used to be when I would wake to nightmares so real they would leave me screaming. Last night I woke to worries that multiplied each second, each more troubling than the last.

Of course there is nothing much you can do to chase them away. The more you try the more persistently they return. What ifs become real in the middle of the night. So at 7:30 when Glenn came upstairs I greeted him blurry eyed and with incomplete sentences. I made at least one wrong turn while driving. My typing was worse than usual. But... I am still here. Awake at 5pm.

In the daylight you can see all your worries are not as overwhelming as they seemed at 3am. In the daylight you can see where to go. Maybe... I should simply leave the lights on tonight.



PS I am taking votes on a new name for Wine Wars. July 29th our fantastically marvelous party is going to be renamed. Here are your two choices.... #1. Cheers to a Cure or.... #2 Paint the Town Pink! Which one will bring in the big bucks?

Http://www.the3day.org/goto/donatetocathy

I am $65 from my minimum $$$ amount for the 3 day! DONATE

A Change of Venue

On this frosty morning, I got dressed in walking clothes. Unlike most of my days in the past several months, I didn't have pressing reasons to sit at my desk in the office. I was able to think instead of where to go ... and when to go ... on a WALK!

Glenn and the dogs joined me for the start of the day at the Mill Valley dog park. The dogs definately wanted to stay after it was time to gather up the blue rubber balls and head home. But eventually they relented and allowed themselves to be lifted into the XTerra for the short ride up the hill home.

Glenn headed off to work and I began to think. Where should I go? Should I head to SF? Up to Healdsburg or over to Sonoma? I forgot my friend Barbara was off visiting her daughter in So Cal, and thought for a minute I would head to Sacramento... instead I drove over to Napa.

I didn't have an idea of where to walk when I was there so today was a meandering kind of day.

When people from other places think of the California Wine Country, I would guess the average person thinks of Napa. Napa, compared to other wine country towns... is more of a city. But the closer you get to the old "core" of the town, the homes tend to look more and more Victorian. Stained Glass windows and gingerbread detail make each unique from the other. But in the initial part of my walk I walked along the waterfront on Napa River and saw a new development of Hotel, Restaurant and Condos.

The walk along the river is along a newly poured walkway.
There are numerous restaurants, including a two new ones of Food Network stars, Chef Morimoto and Tyler Florence.

This one ...

And this one.

The new condos are above the restaurants.

3rd Street Bridge

Street Art....

Little Napa Ducks

Napa Wine Train... We have a trip donated from them for Wine Wars...

Not the food though, just the trip!

Down the center of town is a new outdoor mall. It lacks personality to my eye...

So I headed west toward Hwy 29. This fine old home is the headquarters for the

"Wine Spectator."

This is the Beazley House where Glenn and I stayed eons ago!!!

Some of these old homes, are just homes, and I think in need of some TLC.

This home has the most beautiful chandeliers hanging inside.

I am guessing it used to be residences of some school officials.

Back in town I stopped for lunch at Fish House. Run by the Larkspur Restaurant Group who run Yankee Pier. I felt the setting was lovely... the crab sandwich pedestrian.

Which I suppose is appropriate for a walker.

It was full.

Me...

After lunch I crossed the 3rd Street Bridge to walk the other side of the River.

Looking back at the new development.

Walked through an opening in the fence.

There are these eagle/osprey along the river I suppose to scare away the other birds.

But these domesticated geese weren't scared at all.

I kept my distance so they wouldn't chase me.

Looked like a Yacht Club to me.

Some homes had slips for their boats.

I crossed back over the river after taking one false turn... But I knew where I was now.

Napa... all I needed to do was follow the river.

Back to town and my waiting car.

When I got back home the dogs were waiting at the gate with their wagging tails. I walked into the kitchen to see the dog food container on inside and a half a bag of dog food gone.

Ummmmm maybe they should behave better on leashes and

next time I should take them with me.

Muscle memory

So in the post about my SF walk I touched on a concept that I think is pretty interesting. I mentioned somewhere along the walk my body seemed to remember it could walk long distances. Your body does remember you know.



If it has been a long time since you have just relaxed, sometimes it takes a moment or two before your shoulders come down from around your ears, your breath comes from deep within instead of from around your nose, your frown slowly turns upwards into a contented grin and you melt into body as you look over the scenery.



But your muscles also remember stress. Funny how it doesn't take as long to remember how to tense into a tight ball of nerves and unhappiness. A phone call can be the trigger - Opening an unwanted piece of mail - An unkind word and you can find yourself immediately thrown into a place of reacting to and instead of being at peace with your environment.



The body is a pretty incredible thing, almost as incredible as your mind (which I have heard is a muscle too).



Think back can you feel what it felt like to be on a swing when you were little. To some of us it felt like we were birds flying. To others it evoked fear. But I bet all of us can remember and our hearts beat just a little faster as you feel the air rushing by your face and your sense of gravity momentarily suspended.



If you have ever been pregnant undoubtedly you can feel what it felt like even though your child is now decades old. You remember how when you placed your hand on your belly you could feel their movements as they twisted and turned inside. You remember how your back felt, and how at times it felt as if your ribs were expanding. And although it was quite the physical act, most of us remember most the emotion of the birth and how it caused the pain to become not so poignant of a memory.



There is another feeling not all of you can feel. That would be feeling the presence of a piece of your body that has been taken away. This is something a woman who has had a mastectomy does know. After my surgery I could literally feel my left breast even though it was gone. I could feel the heat on the outside of my chest wall and the tingling of skin that was no longer there. There are times when I am quiet, that I still can feel the sensation of having it there still. I know it is gone. But I feel it none the less. And those times for me are little sad. But...in a way, they are also reaffirming. Those times remind me that although my breast may be gone, I am still here. They tell me that I have been blessed beyond measure with the opportunity to try and spare others from having pieces of their bodies discarded. The fact that my breast is gone has given me permission to fight until Breast Cancer is gone from our existence. And for that I am very grateful.

Muscle memory. Yup, more to that story thank just a long walk.

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Why we need to decompress

Yesterday was a good example of how best to keep your head in the middle of the stress that 2011 is bringing many of us. I found with each step my body and my mind connected to things beyond those things which had taken over every cell of my being. The worry over what really is a temporary situation. The demands of other people who wear their stress like a badge of honor. I needed to distance myself from that just to have the perspective it takes to navigate through those rough waters.





Just the act of saying " I will not be available today" caused a weight to be slowly lifted from my shoulders. Yesterday was a long walk. 12 miles takes 4 hours. So by the time I reached the bridge I found I could breath easier. By the time I reached the Sports Basement I found my thigh and hamstring muscles were the only thing in me that felt tight. By the time I hit the embarcadero, even they were relaxed. It was as if they had a memory of walking that far and had just woken up.





Sitting waiting for the ferry the phone came out. The messages began to arrive in slightly panicked tones that I tried to ignore. And when I came back home I worked on work tyring to create some peace in the middle of confusion. When my husband came home late, he seemed impatient at hearing about the work things, having enough of his own to worry about. And I, I tried to remember what my body had told me.





What is important is how you fit into this world. Your feet on the ground, your eyes at the horizon. Its remembering that each step brings us new perspective. There are discoveries around each bend. You, you are constant in your own world and finding a way to embrace the time you are given here should be your mission. Appreciating the people around you who help you in your journey should be second nature. But often we are found drowning in temporary waters of worry.





I am so glad I discovered walking. Yesterday was a reminder to me that I need to make it "non-negotiable".





So as I am thinking back on the day and evening yesterday I am focusing on how it felt to walk across the bridge with the wind whipping my face and making may hair fly around my face. I recalling the guy on the skateboard being pulled by about 15 little dogs. Yesterday is about standing up for what I need and not settling for a postponement. And I wish... I wish we all could find a way to do the same.





Hey let's not forget...yesterday I also found out that Cavallo Point is supporting my walk again this year! Any day I see that someone does that ... makes me glad.

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or DONATE to the Silent/LiveAuction or Raffle