Nothing is easy

This morning at 6:30, my daughter called me from Washington DC forgetting we were on a different time zone. I didn't hear it because the ringer was turned off but somehow around 6:35 or so, I woke up, got out of bed and came upstairs.

Around 7ish, I got a call from my dear friend saying her Mother had passed away shortly before, around 6:30. Now, I don't know what woke me up, was it the phone that was ringing and I couldn't hear it, or was it sensing my friend may be calling me. I don't know.

What I do know is there is a lot we don't know.

When my Mother died there were so many odd things that happened around this that just couldn't be explained by anything except there is something beyond ourselves. I knew my Mother was dying. She had Cancer and it had metastasized from the lung to the brain. They had given her 3 months. She lived 11. But even though I knew she was dying, I found myself unprepared. I would get up each morning and not know what to do. The universe had shifted and my world was something entirely different. My friends Mother was well into her 90s and in ill health. I heard in her voice that very familiar sound so being somewhat lost. When a parent dies, somehow we revert back into a child all over again.

It should be easier. After all, we all only have so much time, here. But it never is. I don't care what anyone says, words like " it's a blessing are hollow and never comfort like they are meant to. It is just hard. And sometimes, life just is. That's all there is to it.

But life is also full of joy and laughter. Its hard to remember this at a time of loss. But it does come back to you. You just have to keep on moving. Keep on living, and the darkness of loss will be filled with the light of living.

Today, I scheduled time to go for a long walk. And it was hard. I felt so exhausted at the end of the 17 miles its hard to remember this is a necessary step in being ready for the 3 day. I tried to remind myself that at the end of the last two 3 days I could walk 17 miles for a few months without too much effort. But this year, it is definitely hard. Its hard fitting in the time for training. The training itself is harder than it seemed to be before. And I am doing the majority of the training alone. All of our lives have been crazy out of control busy. Barbara however is retired and off exploring the country. Allison is in DC, Barbara's daughter is in Long Beach. Patti's been busy, with a truck load of challenges. Judy lives in Georgia. No group training walks this year.

Our $$ is adding up. I hit my minimum awhile ago. Allison is getting closer everyday.

But I do think we need more help. So please consider donating. Patti, I know, would appreciate the help.

The pictures below are from my walk today around Pt San Pedro and through China Camp. Enjoy....

Today I would like you to do two things.

#1. Buy your discounted ticket to Cheers to a Cure www.CheerstoaCure.com

#2. Donate to Patti

Faith

Faith is raising the sail of our little boat until it is caught up in the
soft winds above and picks up speed, not from anything within itself, but from
the vast resources of the universe around us. ~W. Ralph Ward

This morning I woke up, turned on my computer, scanned my emails and saw one from Caring Bridge. My clients have been using this website to update folks on the progress with their daughter, who as I have written, recently had a tumor removed from her brain. The notice of the posting was late last night.

In the post the father said he was writing the post from the hospital. They went to the hospital as their daughter was having bad headaches, and used the visit to do some follow up tests that they had wanted to do. MRI of the head and the spine, and lumbar tap to check fluid for evidence of metastasis. No evidence was found. They still do not know exactly what is going on.

They also still do not know what kind of tumor they are dealing with. The experts are split as to the way to progress. Should they hit this with everything in the arsenal, including chemo therapy which has resulted in killing some children, radiation that could affect her cognitive ability? There are some doctors who are recommending this. They are now at the threshold of making a decision.

It's a crossroad where one direction is difficult, and the other is dangerous, there are no easy roads from this place.

This is the time you need faith. I think faith manifests itself as a calm within, that comes from beyond yourself. When you allow faith to lead you, you can navigate the stormiest seas. Still amid the storm you find the necessary stillness to stay on course.

If we are moving forward in our lives, we all have chosen directions for our journey. Sometimes, we are not sure if we are on the right road. You looking within for that sense of calm and it isn't there. But I have looked inside and have found faith that the steps I am taking on my journey will help us come to a world without Cancer. Every once in awhile things will test that faith and even the journey itself. But then I have a moment like this morning
where I read or hear about some one's hell because of Cancer, and my faith is rebuilt.

I ask that you join me. BUY your ticket and do it because you BELIEVE we can make a difference together. WE can help bring an end to Cancer.

www.CheerstoaCure.com

Listen very carefully

Every morning we wake up and have a series of choices to make. It is just the beginning of the day.


Yesterday I made the choice to walk in Sonoma. The weather was warm, the day was my own. I got the walking gear on and hit the road, literally and made tracks up to Forestville. I was heading for the old railroad right away I had walked last year because I figured I get in a good 10-11 miler.

I had several things on my mind. My upcoming move from my much beloved waterfront office, to downtown Mill Valley. Now I realize for many people this would be a welcome change. After all Mill Valley is a happening place with great restaurants and businesses, and cool people milling about. My Shoreline office although with a great view, a lot space and peace and quiet ( which for me is good for working...) is hard to find, floods occasionally in the winter and is sleepy.

So I am trying to put the mourning for the office aside and think how fun being downtown will be.

The other thing on my mind was my favorite little girl these days. My clients daughter. They have some serious choices to be made. The Doctors cannot agree about what kind of tumor they removed. On one hand it could be great news, the kind of tumor where removal is all that needs to be done (besides check ups) . But it is equally as likely that this is the kind of Cancer that has to be hit will all guns blazing. When it comes to a 2 year old, that is a pretty impossible kind of decision. I wrote in their blog...that they needed to pay attention to their gut level feelings. I understand when making a decision about your child that is even more difficult, so I suggested they listen very carefully for the angel on their shoulder, look in her eyes, and they will know.

And so , my office move was a distant second to the thoughts about this girl. I felt, as I began to feel tired, this walking I am doing is important. It is getting us closer to a day without Cancer. Each step, one step closer.

Enjoy my walk, from Forestville to Sebastopol and back... 11 miles closer.

Fourth in Lafayette

Those were the days.

A passel of kids, a pile of dogs, music blaring and sun glaring... The fourth of July with birthdays and BBQs and hand crafted margaritas. The numbers ebbed and flowed as people came and went. They were good days. And so is today, only it is just a little different.

Glenn and I joined Dana and Misako in Lafayette for a very low key fourth. It was good to just relax. To spend a day without the cell phone. To drink wine and talk - throwing the ball around for our two corgis help relax my shoulders as the sun toasted them. It felt good to stand in the pool and sit on floaties and just be...

Even though this wonderful place is so close to Lafayette and Walnut Creek... it is a million miles away. From the house you cannot see another house, just Mt. Diablo standing majestically in the distance.

These great long time friends and we share so many memories, and commonalities. We understand each other. They have always been there for us. We hope we can do the same for them whenever they may need us. Dana walking in the 3 day last year, being head cheerleader the year before. I am lobbying for a repeat of Cheering, in DC.


Glenn and Dana went to the same grammar school, high school and law school. We both had two children almost the same age. We own a boat with them. They are special to us.

Dogs are always welcome... and its Tucker and Sophie's turn along with Hemee

And as day stretched into night, the conversation continued until it was time to go.

There is very little in life more important than fine friends and Dana and Misako are two of the best.