I have watched people die. The hardest thing about it… at the end … is the people who are watching.
Tonight there is someone I know ,only through the 3 day chain, who is dying. I see the same dynamic playing out online. Helpless… we look at the situation and ask for deliverance. When it is obvious there is none, we ask for mercy. People surround the person but also bring with them a need - A need to understand, a need to feel it is in their power to change things. Then ultimately we look to each other to be held up, to be comforted, to help us redirect this lost feeling we have that we can’t quite shake –without someone or something else to focus on.
Cancer is a horrible thief. Just when we think we have it in our sight and we're ready to destroy the destroyer, it finds a way to remind us there is a long, long way to go. Amy was a mother. She was young. We was a 3 dayer who had hoped to walk in 2012. She wasn’t able to make the journey so she asked that a teddy bear, Peanut Butta, take the journey for her.
The bear was carried throughout the 3 days on the back of 3 day walkers who just wanted to honor the wish of a warrior. The dream was this bear , filled with the triumph of the adventure , would lift Amy and heal her.
Tonight she hangs on the edge. The bear is sitting at her side. The magic is not that this bear will heal, but that it is possessed with the combined spirits of other warriors. It is the appropriate companion on this last journey, because and they, understand.
We cannot turn back the clock, or fast forward it to a time where Amy will not die. She will.
All I am left with is this prayer…” I pray that she open her arms for the angels to take her home. That light and grace surround her. That peace come to the hearts of those who love her. That we find an end to this disease.”