The day after tomorrow I will leave on my last leg of the 2012 3 day season - San Diego. I am so looking to forward to walking with my dear friends and sisters from DDD. I know this walk will be special in its own way, just as each walk is. But for me this walk surely will be the easier of the challenges I will be facing in the next week.
My father has been ill. He has seen his life spin out of control. We as a family have watched this happen without much ability to change the course of things. He used to own a condo in SD and when he and his wife bought a home, they didn't sell the condo. Last year the bank took back the condo. He spent a year trying to negotiate a refi on his house, and in the week that the home was set to be foreclosed on he called me and let me know. A year. The modification came through the last minute, but we weren't told how bad it was.
Then right before the SF 3 day I got a call that my father was in a nursing home. He had been in the hospital (but we didn't hear anything about that.) Then when they were preparing to send him home, he had a pulmonary embolism. This put him back in the hospital, and I got a call from his wife saying it may be a good idea to come and see him. I, my brother and older sister, and my aunt all descended on Fallbrook, where we stayed for a week. When we all left, he was still in ICU.
Since then he went home, he fell, he was sent to a nursing home in Redlands. All along we have been encouraging his wife to contact someone to look at their finances, to help them make decisions, and to be realistic about the level of care he needed.
He is home now. There has been no progress with any of the suggestions to find help. The at home care we have helped with will become financially impossible to continue. We need to sit down and have a heart to heart with them to attempt to find some direction for all of us to go. I am ill prepared and apprehensive about this visit.
What I realize is - there is no good answers. I realize I need to be the bearer of bed but realistic news. I also realize I am blessed to have my husband with me to help get this message across. Ultimately I will be the parent, and I will try to bring to this visit enough love to balance out the "toughness" we must bring.
In this situation it is impossible not to reflect back on my own childhood and my relationship with my father (which was not that good). I also reflect on his own awkwardness at being a parent and I am trying to build some empathy to this visit. I dont' know how successful I will be. If you believe in the power of positive energy or prayer, send some to me, because I am going to need it.
The walk will be the chance to blow out the carbon once more and remind myself how much power we can have when we focus on a positive goal and how much more fun the journey is when we are joined by people we love. It will remind me that anything is possible, and in fact some things are inevitablele if we only believe. Perhaps when I come back to his house on the Monday after the walk that message will be so strong I can help both of them to believe there is a way out of the quagmire they find themselves in.
Wish me luck. It could be the next blog post will be a recap of the 3 day.... and the 3 days with my Dad.