Friday, September 11, 2009

Things that hide under your bed....

... staring into all their yellow eyes, without blinking once, and they were frightened and called him the most wild thing of all....

Every once in awhile, I get very anxious. Looking to the right of me, to the left of me, behind and in front of me, I don't see anything particularly scary. The feeling builds and builds until I feel it bubbling out of my heart. It feels a lot like when I heard I had Cancer. If you have gone through a life trauma before, I suppose there is always a piece of you that is anticipating another nasty surprise.

I am a little like Max in Where the Wild Things Are.

Max was mad at his mother who sent him to bed without his supper. She called him Wild Thing. There were monsters living under his bed. He made friends and eventually became King over with these creatures. In doing so they lost their power and somehow the title wild thing, became something to celebrate instead of fear.

To me, it isn't my mother sending me to bed without supper that has me unnerved. No it is rather my monsters, who live in the box where I keep my own insecurity. Every once in awhile the lid slips off and they come slinking out. I haven't invited them, they just think its time to scare me a little. There are a host of monsters that disguise themselves so you don't notice them creeping up on you. They come and whisper in your ear and warn that you are not good enough in one way or another. The best way to deal with these nasty critters is to turn on the light. Look them square in their yellow eyes.

I have to admit, that even though, I have done a pretty good job at staring them down, leading them in a wild rumpus, dancing and marching to my command, they still sometimes whisper in my ear. With the walk only 22 days away, I am hearing the drone building. "Cathy, you think you are fit enough? HA! 60 miles is a long way." "Cathy, you have lost a little weight but, you haven't lost that much. You are going to get more tired than the rest.""Cathy, your leg is going to give you too many problems to finish this walk" "Hey, dummy don't you hear me yelling at you?!"

Its time for the flood lights. I have come a long way in a short time. I have walked 20 miles twice and nearly as far a couple more. All together I have walked hills, valleys, beaches and streets totally hundreds of miles. I have worn out 2 pairs of shoes. By stretching and taking my time, my leg is in much better shape. And yes... yes ... yes I do deserve to finish this walk. I have, and my team has, raised over $21,000 so far. And my total is getting close to the $10,000 goal I have set for the walk.

Each and every woman who fights the battle against Breast Cancer is just hoping for a light to shine in their lives, that makes the monster of Breast Cancer behave. Each donation is another light to help give someone battling Cancer the tools to become the victor.
I want you to add another light that will make the monster of Cancer, climb back into its dark place and never ever raise it's ugly head again.
Together we will make a difference, together we already have.
PLEASE DONATE anything you can.
Besides, you'll help me believe, I can put any old monster back in its box. I can wrap them up and stick them back underneath my bed, until I invite them out for a wild monster dance as I sit back, look at them and laugh.