Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Thinking back on the day of my surgery

Back 14 years ago... I was sitting in my house on auto cruise. My father had flown out to "help". My husband seemed a little tentative, and at a loss of what to do for me, or how to help the helper who had just arrived. I remember being in the hospital, being prepped and my father asking that we pray together.

Convinced that this was all unnecessary worry, I felt sorry for the stress this was imposing on those that I loved. I wanted space, because my "head down, move forward" attitude, sometimes works best without the worried faces of other people around. But, I understood, that they too had a journey that was important (having dealt with the same helpless feelings they were having myself when my Mother had Cancer).

Tomorrow, I have a good friend going into surgery for a lumpectomy. Her prognosis, so far, is as positive as you can get. But still, she is in the midst of the same uncertainty that I faced and it brings it all back to me. The feeling of anxious limbo.
After my diagnosis, I tried to write a journal but I could muster the words. So I find it interesting that now that I have "survived" I can relive these times with some real clarity. Back then, and for 14 years, I have been working at surviving. Now I am working at LIVING! I truly feel reborn.

Thanks to all of you who have so generously given, to my journey. I value your support and I know we will be a part of something miraculous!