This morning at 6:30, my daughter called me from Washington DC forgetting we were on a different time zone. I didn't hear it because the ringer was turned off but somehow around 6:35 or so, I woke up, got out of bed and came upstairs.
Around 7ish, I got a call from my dear friend saying her Mother had passed away shortly before, around 6:30. Now, I don't know what woke me up, was it the phone that was ringing and I couldn't hear it, or was it sensing my friend may be calling me. I don't know.
What I do know is there is a lot we don't know.
When my Mother died there were so many odd things that happened around this that just couldn't be explained by anything except there is something beyond ourselves. I knew my Mother was dying. She had Cancer and it had metastasized from the lung to the brain. They had given her 3 months. She lived 11. But even though I knew she was dying, I found myself unprepared. I would get up each morning and not know what to do. The universe had shifted and my world was something entirely different. My friends Mother was well into her 90s and in ill health. I heard in her voice that very familiar sound so being somewhat lost. When a parent dies, somehow we revert back into a child all over again.
It should be easier. After all, we all only have so much time, here. But it never is. I don't care what anyone says, words like " it's a blessing are hollow and never comfort like they are meant to. It is just hard. And sometimes, life just is. That's all there is to it.
But life is also full of joy and laughter. Its hard to remember this at a time of loss. But it does come back to you. You just have to keep on moving. Keep on living, and the darkness of loss will be filled with the light of living.
Today, I scheduled time to go for a long walk. And it was hard. I felt so exhausted at the end of the 17 miles its hard to remember this is a necessary step in being ready for the 3 day. I tried to remind myself that at the end of the last two 3 days I could walk 17 miles for a few months without too much effort. But this year, it is definitely hard. Its hard fitting in the time for training. The training itself is harder than it seemed to be before. And I am doing the majority of the training alone. All of our lives have been crazy out of control busy. Barbara however is retired and off exploring the country. Allison is in DC, Barbara's daughter is in Long Beach. Patti's been busy, with a truck load of challenges. Judy lives in Georgia. No group training walks this year.
Our $$ is adding up. I hit my minimum awhile ago. Allison is getting closer everyday.
But I do think we need more help. So please consider donating. Patti, I know, would appreciate the help.
The pictures below are from my walk today around Pt San Pedro and through China Camp. Enjoy....